linguaphilia | [Golden Peacock IC Inbox][un: scribe] (defunct)

And I never tried to convince you otherwise.

[Not verbally, at least.

No, instead he took the struggling architect into his home and kept quiet about his presence there. He gave him chores and errands and rent to pay so he wouldn't feel like a freeloader, even if all he did was complain. He watched out for him, carefully monitoring his activities and subtly stepping in when the other man was taking things too far.

Because Kaveh was always stubborn, and it was easier for Alhaitham to let him think that he was simply obstinate.]

Don't start tearing into yourself over it now. I don't blame you for the choices I made.

[ He's quiet for a moment, just looking up at Alhaitham as the other tells him— sees right through him as always and tells him— not to start beating himself up over this. He laughs, a soft wet sound, and sniffles, shaking his head gently within the confines of those gentle hands. ]

Will you tell me something? How long— how long have you known you're in love with me?

[ There's a slight pause, not quite enough of one to let Alhaitham speak, before he continues: ]

How long have you known I'm in love with you?

Hm...

[How long has he known? He decides to answer the second question first.]

Do you remember when I came to you and told you I wanted to have sex? A little before that, was when I fully realised my own feelings for you.

[And it had, in part, been the reason he'd asked. He has his own ways of confirming his feelings that do not involve shape-shifting gods.]

As for you... I've had a feeling for a while. You don't hide it well.

[ He remembers. How could he not? Alhaitham wanted to do something Kaveh had never done, wanted a little something of Kaveh that he'd given to no one else. His breath hitches slightly at the thought,

although the emotion is quickly broken in the following moment by the blonde huffing an irritated sigh. ]

Considering you're not the first person to tell me that, then I guess I have to acknowledge it's probably true.

[ After all, even Xie Lian's response to Kaveh's admission of feelings towards Alhaitham was as simple as that of the man in question: "I know." ]

Am I always so readable to everyone? [ It's practically a whine. ]

I think the only person not fully aware of how easy you are to read is you.

[But it is, he will admit, simultaneously one of Kaveh's most endearing and most annoying qualities. Though, he has already confessed to loving all of said annoying qualities... and he does.

He shifts and drops his hands, drawing them back to his own lap.]

So, where do we go from here?

[ Where do we go from here?

It's a good question, but frightening. Kaveh's fight or flight instinct kicks in, and suddenly he wants to take several steps back, physically and emotionally both, to put himself back in a place of safety. There's no doubting the fact that, easy to read as he is, the emotions play out all over his face, but that also means Alhaitham will see the way he forcibly gathers himself together, taking a steadying breath as this time he is the one to reach out, hands taking the younger's face in hold, fingers stroking along the pale skin. ]

Where do we go? I... [ Another breath. ] I wanna be with you, if that's what you want too. I know that... I know it's difficult, being here. I'm jealous of everyone you've been with other than me, but. But I also know we have to. And if there are other people who can make it work, surely we can. Right?

Mm...

[He does tense slightly at the hands on his face but relaxes quickly, placing one hand against the back of one of Kaveh's. He thinks about it, mulling it over quietly, then gives a small nod.]

If we want to play their ridiculous game then that's how it works. [Alhaitham draws both of Kaveh's hands away from his head, clasping them between his palms.]

You were my first, regardless of the circumstances, and this is new ground to me even without these complications. Would that we had the means to navigate this in a conventional manner.

[But they don't. They don't and they both know it.]

I'll be with other people because that's the game, but my heart stays with you. [He meets Kaveh's eyes with a faint smile.] I'll always come back to you. How does that sound?

[ He notices the tense, makes a note for himself to ask about it later— he knew the other didn't like to be pushed or pulled by his face, but maybe he just doesn't like unexpected touches at all? And when it's so clear to him now how many concessions Alhaitham has made for him, the least he can do is try to learn what the other does or doesn't like.

For now, though, his focus is on what's being said, a slight smile coming to his lips at the reminder that he was Alhaitham's first— something that now he's only ever gladder that he insisted on them doing together— even if it trembles at the sentences that follow. It's all logical, and it's what Kaveh himself would have suggested, did suggest—

He still hates it, but it's their only course of action right now. He nods, offering Alhaitham the same smile. ]

It sounds like it's the best we're going to get right now.

[Kaveh would be right, though he does tolerate such things more from some than others. When it comes to Kaveh he hardly minds at all.]

I suppose it is.

[It's surreal in a way. To have it all out in the open between them now, no more secrets and no more dancing around how they feel. He can't help but wonder how long it's going to last before Kaveh does something to make himself think he's ruined things.

He imagines they will still bicker. They always did; things wouldn't feel right if it stopped.]

I'm going to kiss you now.

[And he does, pulling the man gently closer and wrapping one arm around his back.]

[ For the first time in years, Kaveh suddenly feels like he doesn't know what to say to Alhaitham. Not because there's nothing to say, exactly, but because...

Well, there's a lot of reasons.

They probably need to talk more about the situation in which they've found themselves, dating(? he thinks?) in the middle of a game where they're forced to have sex with other people, but the topic isn't a pleasant one, especially right now when Kaveh's insides can't decide if they're giddy with joy or liquid with molten anxiety.

Also, he kind of just wants to kiss the other man.

So when Alhaitham declares his intent and winds him in closer, there's no protest from Kaveh whatsoever, the blonde's arms immediately moving to circle the scribe's shoulders as he leans in to return the kiss, soft and sweet. ]

[And perhaps Kaveh would realise, in that kiss, just how long it has been since Alhaitham first started to feel differently towards him. It's been like this for a while, hasn't it? The soft, warm way that he simultaneously draws Kaveh in and leans into him, how he wraps an arm around the curve of his back to pull him close, how he's attentive to each movement and sigh that the older man makes.

He gives Kaveh a little tug, coaxing him to shift over onto his lap. Hasn't he explicitly stated that he likes having the man close to him for a while, too?

Hasn't it been like this?

Alhaitham parts from the kiss for a moment, looking up at Kaveh with those unreadable green eyes of his. One corner of his mouth twitches up into a small smile.]

Lost for words, I see.

[ The change in the other's kisses has been gradual enough that Kaveh hasn't recognized it for what it is— until now, when he's been actively made aware of a difference through the other's words. But it's true that Alhaitham didn't always kiss him this way. Over time, he's become more attentive, more affectionate, has gone from curious to connected until it just became part of what was normal for them.

He's still marveling over it as Alhaitham tugs him into his lap, as he parts from the kiss to offer Kaveh that slight smile, those teasing words that bring a quick flush of color to the older man's cheeks. ]

Shut— shut up, I—

[ The loop of his arms tightens slightly around the other's shoulders, and he leans forward until their foreheads meet, a sigh of content on his lips as his eyes close.

He's been blind. ]

You kiss me like you love me, [ he murmurs. ] You have for a while.

[Their foreheads press together and Alhaitham nudges his own gently up towards Kaveh's, his eyes open as he looks up at him while he speaks.]

Mm.

[He could probably pinpoint when the change happened, if he thought about it. If he really wanted to. If it mattered. It doesn't, not really, so he doesn't waste the time. Right now it feels as if there are more important things to be thinking about than that.]

I've been waiting for you to notice.

[And even then, he still hadn't noticed, had he? It had taken him being mired in his own feelings before he said anything. Kaveh really was hopeless.]

You managed this sooner than I expected you would.

[ The last comment earns Alhaitham a shove from Kaveh; it's light-hearted though, and his scowl nowhere near as deep as it might normally be when the other man teases his capability for observation. How can he really be mad with him when his heart feels this light and full and giddy? (There'll be plenty of time for him to get mad later, and somehow that makes him even happier.) ]

You—!

[ But of course he has no words to clarify that, either, and so he just leans in to kiss him again, tongue sweeping along his lower lip and arms creeping a little more firmly around his neck. He shifts, getting himself more comfortable in Alhaitham's lap.

He thinks, actually, that he could do this all evening. ]

[As Kaveh wraps around him more firmly he does the same in turn, bringing both arms up around his back. There isn't too much time for him to get more comfortable on the younger scholar's lap before he's being pulled in and tipped backwards onto the bed they're sitting on.

The mattress creaks softly in protest at the sudden shift in weight. Alhaitham leans over the other man and looks down at him with a soft curiosity, almost touching their noses together.]

When was the last time you slept?

[Because, honestly, he expects this has been eating at Kaveh for a few days at least.]

[ He yelps as he's suddenly dragged and tipped back onto the bed, laughing softly when Alhaitham leans over him; there's a fond smile on his face as he reaches up to brush his fingers along the other's cheek in time with the near-brush of their noses—

and then Kaveh's cheeks turn red and his eyes slide to the side, no longer quite meeting Alhaitham's own. ]

Uh..

[ It's been a few days, if he's honest, since he slept properly, a fact that the dark circles under his eyes will corroborate. Nor has he eaten much, despite the smorgasbord of dishes he ordered after his failed plot to have Xie Lian transform in the name of making everything better.

But he also doesn't want to sleep now, not when his heart is racing with the excitement of the truth.

And yet...

He can't lie, can he? ]

I don't remember.

Then it's been more than long enough.

[He can surely be more overt about caring for Kaveh's health now, can't he? Alhaitham shifts to give the other man room to make himself more comfortable and reaches up to loosen the collar of his own shirt.]

We have time to talk about this more thoroughly later and do whatever we want to do about it then. [The younger man moves to sit up at the head of the bed, propping a pillow between his back and the headrail, and picks up a book from the small nightstand.]

So go to sleep. [He tilts his head, inviting Kaveh to get close to him.] I insist.

[ Of course, there's no hesitation at all in Kaveh's acceptance of the invite; he shifts in close and nestles himself into Alhaitham's side even as he picks up whatever book he's been reading. And despite himself, the comfort of the motion brings a soft yawn to his lips. But he still protests, shaking his head with a frown as he tries to peer up at the younger man from his current angle. ]

I don't want to sleep. Can't we talk first? There's always time to sleep later.

[ It's not the first time they've had similar arguments, either. Kaveh has, far too often, kept himself up night after night worrying about a commission or other project only for Alhaitham to all but force him into bed despite his loud complaints.

Mm. Alhaitham has been looking after him for a long time now, hasn't he? ]

Mm, we can talk.

[Until Kaveh falls asleep - and Alhaitham is quite sure he will now that he's cuddled himself up like that. He wraps his arm around the older man to make him comfortable and curls a hand around his arm, idly sliding his thumb back and forth. The book is propped up against one raised thigh but not opened yet.

There are always those small signs that he's paying attention.

He has looked after Kaveh in small ways. To say he never cared would be entirely incorrect - if he never cared, he would not have invited someone so noisy and dramatic and so at odds with his own personality into his home to begin with. He would not have kept quiet about the man's presence there even if Kaveh was incapable of keeping it to himself when he was drunk. He would not have done all those little things to keep an eye on him that the blond has always found so annoying.]

But close your eyes.

[ He's pretty sure he knows what Alhaitham is doing. But he also knows the other man well enough to expect that he'll refuse to talk if Kaveh doesn't play along, and so he's obedient, closing his eyes as he curls in that little closer to him.

(For someone so tall and lean, he's surprisingly comfortable.)

He yawns again, silently, as that thumb starts to travel back and forth along his arm, and suddenly he realizes that he has no idea what exactly he wanted to talk about. ]

Mm. My eyes are closed, Alhaitham. See? That means we can talk now.

[ Talk... that's right. About this, and what they want to do about it. ]

You said that no matter what happens here, your heart is mine.

[He isn't being subtle, but he knows that Kaveh will fall asleep eventually if he's comfortable and tired. His thumb continues rolling idly back and forth and he opens his book with his free hand. It's a good thing that the books he opens are entirely normal now - the inconvenience posed to him on his arrival here had thankfully disappeared after a few weeks.]

I did say that.

[And Althaitham is not somebody who says things he doesn't mean without reason. Especially something like that, which he has certainly never said to anybody before.]

What of it..?

[ He yawns. Right, he said that— what of it indeed? Even with his eyes closed, Kaveh's brows furrow in thought. ]

I... Mm, I think I was too busy being happy about it to tell you that it's the same for me too.

[ Was that it? It's hard for Kaveh to say; it's like his brain is falling asleep ahead of him.

His lip juts. ]

No fair. You're making me sleepy, you know I can't think like this, Alhaitham..

I am well aware.

[Which is of course why he chose this position, why he insisted on it, and why he is now lightly weaving the fingers of his free hand into Kaveh's hair to gently scratch at his scalp.

There is little use trying to talk about any of this when the man is exhausted. He's far more likely to become emotional and irrational on too little sleep.]

You can stop fighting it. I'm not going to go anywhere.

[Indeed, Kaveh could expect Alhaitham to be in much the same position when he does wake up, though a ways further along in his reading.]

I know, but...

[ But it's pointless. Despite his best efforts, he finds himself quickly dozing off, caving to the sleep so easily overtaking him as Alhaitham soothes him by stroking his hair, stays close and warm and comfortable, giving him all the love and affection he could ever want just by being her. He's happy, happier than he's known how to be in a long time, and it's the biggest drive toward him falling asleep after days of stress and anxiety.

Another yawn, and Kaveh falls asleep mid-complaint.

He wakes a few hours later, and technically he's still short on sleep, but he feels better rested than he has in at least weeks, eyes opening and head tilting so he can peer up at the other man with a lazy, contented smile. Usually it takes Kaveh a while to slip out of dreamland, but this time he wakes with memory intact and a smile on his lips. ]

Hi.

[While Kaveh sleeps, Alhaitham reads his book. It isn't as if he's never spent time in such a way when he had company... though never with said company cuddled up so closely against him.

He does doze for a little while somewhere in the middle - an hour or so, perhaps - but he's wide awake when Kaveh finally opens his eyes and looks up at him with that smile. Alhaitham returns his gaze and curls a lock of blond hair around his finger.]

Hey.

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