[Golden Peacock IC Inbox][un: scribe] (defunct)

[linguaphilia]

This is Alhaitham.
Leave a message. Or don't. I don't really care either way.

Comments

2/2

[indigently]

I don't get it
Are you free or not?

[linguaphilia]

I'm free.
But I'm not going to beg you to spit out whatever it is you want to say.

Make up your mind if you want to tell me and then come by.

[indigently]

[ Archons help him— ]

Why are you just assuming I have something I want to say??

Maybe I just want to see you, have you thought about that?

[linguaphilia]

Is that all it is?

1/2

[indigently]

..no

2/2

[indigently]

...There's something I wanna talk to you about.

[linguaphilia]

Then you should have just said so.

[indigently]

I'm saying so now!!
Isn't that enough?

[linguaphilia]

Are you coming or not?

[indigently]

I'm on my way
Do you want anything to eat or drink?

[linguaphilia]

No thank you.

[indigently]

Okay.
I'll be there soon.

[ When he arrives, it's with food and drink in hand anyway— Alhaitham may not want anything, but his brain is all over the place, and he thinks the sugar rush and the food might help keep him grounded when he's trying to speak about things of which he's terrified to speak. He balances the bag carefully over one wrist and knocks on the other's suite door— ]

It's me.

[ —and then waits for him to answer, pacing, more than once thinking even in the short time he has about just fleeing so that he doesn't have to face the inevitable end of their rekindled friendship with such abruptness.

It's bad enough in fact that if Alhaitham does open the door for him, it's liable to be at any moment where Kaveh is faced away from the door, poised as if about to run. ]

[linguaphilia]

[Unfortunately for Kaveh it is in fact as he's pacing away from the door that Alhaitham opens it. He regards the man silently for a moment then huffs out a quiet sigh.]

Come on, then.

[Kaveh will either bolt, or he won't... Alhaitham would be lying if he said he wasn't a little curious over which one the man would choose.

He's already looking far more squirrelly than he usually does.]

What's the matter with you?

[indigently]

[ Kaveh hears the door open before he sees it and turns to face Alhaitham, the hesitance and anxiety alike both written all over his face. Without them, he'd no doubt look quite elegant right now; in black slacks and a slim-fitting red shirt he bought early on in his stay at the resort, he looks every bit the part he usually plays back in Sumeru: refined and fashionable at any cost.

But as it is, his red kohl-lined eyes are underscored with dark circles, and his lower lip so heavily bitten it looks bruised in places; even as he smiles in greeting, he's looking for an escape from this, and so it's no surprise that he looks squirrelly to the other man.

He holds his ground, though, to his credit. Swallows hard against the anxiety. ]

I'm fine.

[ It's said abruptly, and Kaveh takes the invitation for what it was, slipping past Alhaitham into the suite. ]

[linguaphilia]

[Alhaitham, as a departure from his usual green, has chosen a deep royal blue shirt this day in a similar fitted style to the one Kaveh is wearing. He is not blind to the fact that they appear to be a matched pair as he looks at the man with an odd mix of patience and exasperation.]

You're clearly not.

[But he's not going to argue about it. No, he's just going to understand that what he said was fact, Kaveh is lying, and proceed with this situation from there.

Alhaitham closes the door behind him and moves back into the suite. It's a small place, simple, functional... no more than Alhaitham needs, though he would not object to a little more space.

He takes a seat on the edge of the bed and looks at the other man, pressing his lips together for a moment before speaking. His tone is a fraction softer, almost caring.]

What's happened?

[indigently]

[ Kaveh's lips part, frustration clear on his features when Alhaitham responds that he's clearly not okay. Of all the arrogant—

But before he can start to complain at him, the younger man's voice turns soft— softer, but soft for him— and he asks what's wrong, and something inside Kaveh twists and breaks all at the same time. Tears flood his eyes, and he looks away even as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed alongside the other, taking a deep breath. ]

Nothing's happened, I just—

[ The breath trembles on his lips. He's not even looking at him and all he can see from the corner of his eye is the blue of his shirt. It's unfair how good he looks, wearing the clothes of this place, and— ]

...Things have been good since we came here, right? With us, I mean. It's nice not to be fighting so much anymore.

[ Another breath. ]

I missed having you around.

[linguaphilia]

[If he's fine, then why is be struggling not to cry? Alhaitham frowns a little at that, but there's... something else. Something that makes him stay quiet while the older man continues to speak.

A few responses come to mind. Not least that it's been nice to not have Kaveh's incessant complaining in his ear all the time, but he bites that back.

He places his hand against the back of Kaveh's shoulder, fingers slightly splayed and his palm warm.]

... It has been nice.

[And maybe, just maybe, he missed Kaveh too.]

[indigently]

[ Kaveh fights the urge to flinch away from that hand on his shoulder. Alhaitham isn't doing anything wrong, but every little part of him is arguing that the other won't want to touch him once he knows why the architect is here, and—

His fingers twine in his own lap, twisting and anxious. ]

I'm afraid to ruin it again.

[ The emotion in his voice is thicker now, despite his best efforts. And there's no doubt at all that Alhaitham will recognize the implication in his words, the acknowledgement that the person who chose to let them break the first time was Kaveh all along— something he's always known deep down, but has refused to admit to his once-friend's face until right now. ]

[linguaphilia]

[That Kaveh would admit out loud that it was he who caused the schism between them in the first place comes as a surprise, and he may feel it in the way Alhaitham's fingers twitch slightly against his back.

The younger man looks away, focusing on a spot on the floor, and takes a deep breath before letting it out slowly.]

But you have something to tell me that you think is going to.

[He's not stupid. The pieces are easy to put together.]

[indigently]

[ Silence, as Kaveh's entire response is to close his eyes; a pained, silent confirmation that lasts for several seconds before the blonde realizes that with his head turned like this, Alhaitham probably can't see him anyway. He swallows, and straightens his back slightly, ignoring the lingering sensation left by the telltale twitch of those fingers. ]

Yeah. [ His voice is little more than a whisper. ] That's how I feel.

[ He has to fight down the sudden rush of words that rise to his lips, the urge to keep talking, to tell Alhaitham that because he's worried, he just won't say anything at all, that nevermind he made a mistake, that this whole thing is stupid and he's sorry to bother him in the first place— Instead, he takes another shaky breath, forces himself to stay silent until the urge passes, fingers twisting and untwisting in his lap. ]

I know that it's probably a stupid worry, but I can't get it out of my head.

[linguaphilia]

[He moves his hand and shifts position beside Kaveh, clasping his hands loosely together in his lap and looking off to the other side of the room.]

Fear is nothing more than the anticipation of something that has not happened yet. [It sounds so simple, he's sure, when he puts it like that. So mechanical and cold. But isn't that just how Alhaitham is? He sees little use for emotions that don't serve a purpose and fear is certainly one of those.

Not that he's been without his own anxieties in this place. Something he is learning to come to terms with.]

Whatever it is you need to say... I can't make you say it. But I will listen to whatever it is.

[indigently]

[ He sighs at the other man's dry, calm explanation, shakes his head. ]

You know it's not that simple for me though. [ There's the slightest elevation to his voice, a hint of irritation, but he clamps down on it in the next moment with a tightening of his fingers around each other. A fresh trickle of fear runs down his spine, a question: what if Alhaitham doesn't care if it happens or not? He knows how much of a disruption he can be in the other man's life, and—

He's overthinking again.

Kaveh takes a deep, shuddering breath, leans a little until he's against the other. ]

...Will you just hold— will you sit with me for a little while first?

[linguaphilia]

[Things like this would normally make him frustrated. The dancing about, the lingering, the unnecessary conversation when whatever needs to be said should just be said...

Alhaitham sighs softly. He nods.]

Yes, all right.

[And the longer this goes on the more he finds himself wondering... and the more he thinks he might know what it is that Kaveh wants to tell him but is so reluctant to.

Well, there will be no forcing it either way.]

[indigently]

[ Kaveh doesn't know how many minutes pass with the pair of them just sitting like this. It feels like thousands upon thousands of them, and yet like no time at all, as if he blinked and all that time raced between them in the momentary closing of his eyes.

But none of it does anything at all for the rapid-time beat of his heart or the fact that his mouth feels dry or the fact that he feels dizzy and like he's about to be sick all at the same time.

At some point in it, he turns, presses his face into Alhaitham's shoulder, breathes him in and drizzles saltwater into the blue of his shirt. ]

I love you, [ he mumbles, his mouth barely parting around the words. ]

[linguaphilia]

[Alhaitham waits. At some point he closes his eyes, sinking into the tense silence between them and trying to find a point of comfort in it. He has never minded silence, though he could do without the anticipation threaded through this one, but he waits and he remains quiet because it is what Kaveh needs to work through whatever this is.

When he feels the older man move slightly against him it prompts a small tingle down his arm. He glances at him, cocking his head just so as the words sink in.

He lets out a quiet breath through his nose.]

I know.

[Just as Kaveh had expected. Just as he had feared perhaps. Alhaitham is already well aware of the architect's feelings towards him.

He puts an arm around Kaveh and pulls him in a little more snugly.]

I love you too.